I walk on a tightrope between two realities, two dimensions really. One of these realities looks, hears and feels like everything I have ever known. It is solid. It is familiar. It has been my home. The other dimension is groundless and shape-shifting, pushing me beyond what I know, banging the drum of folly and freedom. Where there is solidity there are rules to follow, laws to be agreed upon – or at least that’s what I hear from the parental soundings of my left brain. The right side of my brain is a childlike serpent, riding the waves of the uncontainable now moment. Following the lead of my right brain is like following Dionysus on one of his drunken mad ecstatic episodes, or like following the white rabbit down the hole into the archetypal unknown. She is kundalini. She is wise. She is wild. And she is messy.
The desire to keep my kitchen clean, my room clean, my hair clean is the same desire to keep my internal energy clean. But life in the biggest sense is so dang messy. The earth is rich with madness. Walking through the forest on a hot sticky day, red earth squeezes between my toes, burrs attach themselves to my pants, sticking to my dreads. If I am to open to the beauty of what is, I will breathe deeper and feel more connected to life; if I resist it, I lose the gift of a deeper connection to the moment that transcends the mundane. I am nature. I am the “Golden Mean Ratio”, and I am the chaos that breaks old forms to birth new paradigms.
I associate clean with knowable, coherent and recognizable. When life around me is clean I can see where things go. Everything makes sense and there is comfort in order. Comfort is nourishing and is necessary as rest. But if I sleep too much I become dull and lethargic. And while comfort when in balance plays a positive role in life, it can quickly become a cul de sac – a dead end – when I make it my defining reality.
Were the pioneers who founded America comfortable crossing the great plains? Was Gandhi comfortable during his hunger strike in his effort to unite the Muslim and Hindu people? To birth new levels of consciousness, we need to push beyond our comfort zones and get our personalities dirty. We need to stir up the calm waters and let the mud at the bottom of our subconscious mix with the clear waters of the conscious mind. This is where we truly meet our creative genius authentic selves.
In the movie “One Man, One Cow, One Planet,” biodynamic farmer and visionary Peter Proctor demonstrates that water exposed to chaos makes for healthier water. Barreling down a mountain and crashing into rocks and boulders, water becomes richly oxygenated. Whereas, water that is coddled by man-made concrete walls lacks vitality and healthy viscosity. And guess what? We are made up of 70% water. Our health and vibrancy is directly proportionate to our willing eagerness to say YES to the ever-shifting, wild rollercoaster ride of life. Once I have surrendered to the ride, surrendering to the sharp twists and turns, I can laugh at the craziness and scream with joy in the letting go.
I once had a dream where I was driving a car and the steering wheel was thrust out of my hands. The car began to miraculously drive itself. A loud booming voice called out to me, “No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will end up in the same place. So sit back and enjoy the ride.” With time I have come to understand this dream even more. There is a wise, raw energy, a divine intelligence, that lives within me. The more I follow her lead, the freer I feel… the freer I am.
It is an energy that begs for my attention in this moment. “Come into this present moment with me, “ she calls. “I am here. You won’t find me anywhere else. I am ever changing, and I am your key to freedom.”
Comments
Asolutely inspiring. Shook me out of my exhaustion after 3 days of Conferences and 2 long train rides. You are a wonderful inspiration. lois hollywood
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Oh yeah! “Sit back and enjoy the ride” — love this! Run with the wolves, Larisa! lovelovelove from The Bhakti Beat…
Thank you so much for your words of inspiration, which follows the amazing ernergy you left us with last weekend. As I feel tested to even greater lenghts and the limitations of order seeming to collapse, I understand even more the illusion of control. Stay centered with faith and welcome the frenetic dance for that is where the soul will express the “grandeur” it was meant to play out! Merci beaucoup – Eliane White-VCSL-Ventura
Exactly how I’m feeling! Torn between the conflict of working, cleaning, paying bills and taking care of family while constantly push-pulling with my practice of Kundalini Yoga and meditation. Instead of just starting my practice again, I’m feeling guilty for not having started already! I just gotta start. Much love Larisa…Happy 11-11-11!
You have given my life new realization and definition in delightful words and feelings that I have been unable to express before….I am YOU and YOU are me!! We are one and share so much more than mere friendship. Your very being touches my soul in places few have been able to reach!! I love you my Precious Larisa!!
>> Barreling down a mountain and crashing into rocks and boulders, water becomes richly oxygenated. Whereas, water that is coddled by man-made concrete walls lacks vitality and healthy viscosity. And guess what? We are made up of 70% water. <<
…that says it all for me.
Life has a turbulent nature and we with it. Fighting it makes it harder to "keep our balance". I don't know about you, but standing in still waters is "blah"; I prefer to feel the swirl of water around my feet !!
thanks for the great piece/peace, La-ji ♥
Larissa sister, thank you for your authentic words. I can hear your voice through your words and I miss you.
Yes to listening to our inner voice, to trusting in the flow of life and to keep following our bliss. When we follow what refuels our spirit, our guidance becomes stronger and we learn to truly take care of ourselves, slowing down and learning the art of being rather than doing.
Love you and Miss you from Costa Rica